Saturday, September 21, 2019
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By Leslie Dashew


I never knew that I meant that much to you

I never knew you cared what I thought

I always thought you knew everything

but chose not to share with us


You seemed so confident, yet quiet

I thought you could but wouldn't

I yearned to be close to you, to know you

and for you to love and appreciate me


I understood that our family had a code of silence

when it came to talk of feelings and relationships

I was too obedient to break that code

I feared your disapproval or scorn

so I went elsewhere


Now I have my own friends and children

and I hear your request to be close

but the distance that slowly grew up through the years

is hard to bridge


My heart aches for the lost hours and days

for the time I could have learned from you

and you from me

and the adventures we could have shared

I see how you relate to the grandchildren now

and am jealous

I wish we would have had that bond, that closeness

But you were busy then, and the drain of the business

left little energy for us


I must hold on to the realization

of how precious are these connections;

how precious and fragile

and how much investment they require


As I look back at what we missed,

I want to try to cultivate what I can

with the too few days that might be left

with you

and with my own children


I keep recalling the phrase

"There's no sadder thing,

than what might have been.”


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